What it´s really like to have no empathy.

It´s interesting that when I think of the matter during the day, I can always precisely express the things I would like to say, but once I actually get here and start writing, my expressivity and memory completely fails me. It´s probably a writer´s block. And so I will try to express myself as clearly as I can, and I hope I will not bore you too much.

My blog is supposed to be educative, as well as a personal diary created by me for the purpose of unloading myself. Because, let´s be honest, the things I am talking about here are not something I could tell my own parents or even friends. I am glad if they never get to know about this. They would not understand. Or maybe they would not want to, which would be even worse.

Not that I have done something really bad, but finding out that you have sociopathic traits does not add up to the general family mood, and so I am forced to keep to myself. Partially because my mother is clearly an empath and my most favourite member of our family and because the knowledge could destroy her, and that is not what I want.

I imagine you would like to ask me what is it like to have no empathy (in addition to reduced conscience). I will try to express my process of thinking in the most universally understandable way possible. I will use examples, quotes, pictures, and other ways to really give you a clue without fogging your brain with nonsense. As if there was not enough of it on the internet already.

• EMPATHY ENABLES YOU TO EFFECTIVELY CONNECT WITH OTHERS.
  That is, if you actually have it. If you don´t have it or if it is reduced, you feel like you cannot reach out to other individuals. That is probably, without exaggeration, the worst thing about any form of -pathy. It is like standing behind a shop window or a restaurant´s window, and you can see everybody inside mingling and having fun, but you haven´t been invited. You are close to the people but you are not really there with them. You feel like this even if you are with the people and having a really good time. It´s a theme in your life that is constantly present.
  
  
  
  
  Myth bust: the neurotypicals (read: normal people) claim that -paths don´t want to connect at all. That´s not entirely true. While I cannot deny that sometimes the non-ability to do so is a great coping mechanism, most of the time we long for it, but no matter what we do, we seem unable to do so. The most frustrating times are not those in which you never managed to connect, but those in which you did only so-so, and when you thought you might have made it, you lose the grasp altogether.
   

• TRAGEDIES ARE NOT DEVASTATING, THEY ARE "INTERESTING".
  OK, this is not exactly my quote, it was partially taken from Quora. However, this writer has perfectly explained how we -paths feel about things going on in our lives or the tragic news in the media. No matter where you are on the psychopathy spectrum (and I don´t necessarily mean the Hare Psychopathy Checklist, as it was originally created for the incarcerated folks only), you tend not to care. Instead, you feel like a scientist observing an interesting new object. It´s not at all malevolent, it´s merely like a feeling of utter fascination. You wonder how it is possible but you don´t (usually) feel the grief that is connected to the incident.

• WE TRULY, HONESTLY DON´T CARE.
  The opposite to love is not hatred, it is actually indifference. There is no bad blood behind it, no veiled hatred. We are not automatically "rotten" because we feel - or better said, don´t feel - the way you do. We don´t connect to most people, and where there are no strings attached, there is no emotion either. Normal people cannot fathom this kind of thinking, and that´s perfectly OK. They usually have conscience, they even tend to have more or less empathy, so they do care. It´s natural for them but it´s not natural for us.
   
  
  
  
  Myth bust: it is not true that we don´t love at all, or that we act everything. We just love a specific set of people, be it larger or smaller, but it does not necessarily be our own family. Most of the time, it is, though. Or it´s just certain members or the family. It is not that you hate the rest of them, you only respect the fact that they are connected to you, but there does not need to be any deep emotion. You just like them because they are "OK."
   
  

• WE ARE CAPABLE OF LOVE, BUT ON OUR OWN TERMS.

People will tell you that there are no terms on your own; there either is love or there is not. Not only this is not entirely true, but this kind of thinking is very black-and-white. Remember, there is always a spectrum, and there are plenty of grey shades in it. Not exactly 50 Shades, but to each their own (sorry, bad joke, couldn´t resist). We -paths definitely don´t love in the conventional way because we have hard times connecting to other people, which can be a learned defense mechanism (in sociopaths) or an innate dysfunction of the brain (in psychopaths). However, it does not mean that we don´t feel closer to some people or that we don´t feel any friendly or romantic attachment to them. Our love is kind of obsessive and possessive, and when we really care about you, we will do our best to protect you, stay closer to you and shower you with love. But it will never be the kind of love you are normally used to.

• TO SUM THINGS UP...

There is a wonderful quote about all this by the American serial killer Ted Bundy (1946-1989). I know, I know; not exactly an inspirational person, and I assure you that I definitely don´t look up to him for what he has done (it´s actually quite hardcore), but he was definitely a person worth studying. With his IQ136 and Ph.D. in Psychology (from University of Washington, I suppose), he was very well-spoken about his condition and was able to describe precisely what was going on in his head to non-psychopaths. He was a compulsive liar indeed, but as a fellow -path, I think I can tell when he was lying and when he was telling the truth, because people like us think in a similar way. Here is what he had to say about it. I think it is definitely very interesting:

Myth bust: Not all -paths are serial killers or mass murderers. In fact, most of them aren´t. Scientists have only recently found out that while psychopaths are born with the condition and they verifiably have brains that differ from the brains of neurotypicals (smaller amygdala, less-wired frontal lobe), serial killers have an extra damage of the brain that does not show in the rest of the -pathic or normal population. In other words, not only they are born psychopaths, they are also born serial killers. It is already in their brain when they are babies

 

I am sure there are more things I would like to say but I cannot really come up with anything right now, so I better stop. I hope you understand us a bit better now. And so, for now...